So What Happens Now?

Saturday is my birthday. I'll be 62. SIXTY-TWO! Do you hear me? How is it possible? I, who have been so often on the brink of suicide, am going to be 62 years old. Do I hate it? If you'd asked me when I was 40 if I'd hate being 62 I'd have said, "I'll never live that long." or, "Yes, I'll hate it if I live that long." But here I am. Sigh.

I'm going to make this brief because I recently found out that my retirement only means I have to work harder than ever. Here's what I've learned at nearly 62:

• You never know what's around the next corner and it's not always a good thing.
• Living in the moment is still hard to do, but necessary.
• I love my family more than ever (family doesn't always mean DNA connections).
• I still care what I look like and don't want to look like either of my Grandmas.
• Napping is a good thing, but too much sugar and fat turn napping into an all-day sleep.
• Housework sucks. My Grandmas must have LOVED it--I don't.
• Getting older makes me care less about lots of stuff, including other people's opinions of my opinions.

But I think acceptance has been my biggest obstacle. It's hard for me to accept that I may never become what I believe I was born capable of being. I was born with all the standard equipment, but I never steadily pushed myself. It always seemed like pushing my talent or ability was met with failure and/or rejection. Oh, it's okay. That part of acceptance I can accept. That's the other thing about living this long; acceptance of failure becomes less devastating. I don't mean I'm not going to try new things, or polish old stuff; I just no longer expect miracles. They're great when they happen; I just don't live in a fantasyland about them. I've bought enough lottery tickets to know that it's usually the people who don't need the winnings who win. You know; it's always those people who say, "Quit my job? Oh, never!" What's wrong with those people? Geez, start your own business; go back to school; see the world.

Okay, back to work. I'm still trying to sell my stuff. I have to supplement my soon-to-be received SS income.
www.druneric.com