Best Weight-Loss Plan Ever!

Boy, if that won't garner readers nothing will.

After I ate my bread and peanut butter this morning so that I didn't have to take my pills on an empty stomach, I eyed a partial tray of brownies. There was longing and lust in my heart. These weren't just any old brownies; they were gourmet brownies, each covered with a different mouth-watering goo--cream cheese, caramel, fudge. And because I've been feeling sorry for myself lately I decided I was entitled to fulfill my momentary heart's desire.

Let me back up: I've suffered from a life-long struggle with over-eating and total disinterest in strenuous physical activity. I was the kid who was last choice when picking team members and I NEVER cared. Usually I was too busy thinking about what I'd do in art class or what my mom packed for my lunch. She may have been many things bad, but she was a good lunch-packer. She actually put lettuce and mayo on my cheese sandwiches and that was in the 50's when few people in our class new what lettuce was.

My struggle with dieting was an off-and-on business. If I was interested in a particular boy I'd quit eating; if that particular boy dumped me for someone thinner I ate whatever and whenever I liked--screw him. As I got older I cultivated friends who didn't hold my fat against me, or if they did they didn't mention it. When I first heard the term "yo-yo dieter," I thought, "Wow, I need to president of that club.

So after I ate the brownie this morning I said, "Now why the hell did I do that?" I had no good answer. But I did think about this: one of the reasons I hate dieting is that it usually makes me sad, and I don't need something else to make me sad right now. Dieting makes me sad because good junk food makes me happy. It's as simple as that. Good junk food makes me as happy as getting smashed made me until I accepted my alcoholism as a reality. Bummer. Why me; right? I suppose the only answer would be, "Why not me." Why did my sister have MS? Why did my brother die 20 years ago? Why does my daughter live on the other side of the country, dammit? It is what it is. But I did have a few unusual thoughts after I ate that brownie, e.g., "I ate it. It's gone. Now what?" I mean, the only way I could have that satisfaction again would be to continue stuffing my face, and I can't do that because the deliciousness would never quit and eventually I'd become so stuffed I'd throw up.

Now, my plan won't work for bulimics, and I'm truly sorry about that. Eating disorders are a serious problem for many of us and I am not making light of them here. But after I ate the brownie I analyzed my sensations and emotions. My first thought was that if I could just hold on to the memories of those sensations I'd never have to eat another brownie. I mean, why would you? Dieting and hypnosis are structurally negative. They're based on "don'ts." "Look into my eyes; you don't like brownies and ice cream; you don't want brownies and ice cream; brownies and ice cream over-indulgence make you a social outcast." or, "Don't eat more than 1 serving. Yes 1 serving is laughable when we're talking about something so indescribably delicious, but . . . well, tough shit." So I thought, what if when I encountered a brownie or a carton of Ben & Jerry's Boston Cream Pie (fabulous, by the way), I vividly dredged up the memory instead of actually reliving the experience? I've been testing out my theory and so far it seems to be working.

All right! Who's with me?

I'll keep anyone posted who's interested in my progress.