My Funny Valentine

For years I've been trying to get my husband to write a book on politics. He's probably the funniest person I know on many topics, but especially government. Ron's a master of sophisticated and unsophisticated "humour" (Ron's a Canadian at heart). Alas, he only writes really boring, statistical stuff, usually having to do with the condition of waters that might hold brook trout. Sometimes he writes incredibly difficult-to-understand . . . thesii? but my favorite topic lately is politics.

I'm going to share with you part of one of his emails written to some equally cynical friends, but I warn you: While Ron is a lifelong Democrat, he has been sorely disappointed in the President. I usually defend Obama until he does something, or doesn't do something, that irritates me and then I side with Ron, but I usually add, "You know Ron, politicians, especially the president know lots of crap we'll never hear. So I'm thinking Obama still has something up his sleeve besides his arm."  Ron usually rolls his eyes, or says something sarcastic using his Buddy Hackett voice.

Dr. Runeric says:

 

Speaking of politics, the Florida primary will occur soon according to all the commentators.  I don't know whether or not that will be fun. For me, the element that is fun is that Loot Gingrich hates Will Robme.  Since Loot is so vicious and unprincipled, Will Robme might be utterly destroyed before he gets to face Obama.  That's very useful since Obama is too snivelling and chicken-hearted to talk back to, much less destroy, Will Robme, no matter how easy that might be.  Obama's worm-like performance over the last three years, especially regarding the public option, shows that he is simple for republican creeps to roll-over.  He is such a sitting duck that it takes a miracle for the republicans to lose to him in anything.  Opposing him is close to literally taking candy from a baby, yet it looks to me like Obama will win the championship this year -- only because the republicans are so aggressive that they prey on any target of opportunity, including their own. 

 

Here is my prediction for a debate with Obama against Robme (Imagine how much more extreme the following would become if Gingrich were the republican champion):

 

Obama:

"We want to reach across the aisle to the folks with different views and compromise.  A public option is not necessary."  

 

Republicans (all candidates at once) -- Instantly, as if rehearsed, which it, in fact, will be:

All turn and spit on the President and say, "Socialist nazi has established death panels for all honest, hard-working Americans, who will then have to become dependent on the US government, which he will then turn over to the Mau Mau tribe of Kenya, then give all your money to the laziest [fill in the blank as to which group name should appear here] and take away all guns from citizens and give them to Islamic terrorists."

 

Obama strikes back by saying:

"This is just divisive rhetoric.  We want to compromise with our friends across the aisle.  Okay, I'll give you something first.  I won't help the employees who are trying to stand up to OH, MI, IN, WI, and FL gauleiters.  I'll increase the Social Security retirment age and reduce benefits and increase the Medicare co-payment.  I think the Paul Ryan budget plan has a few areas where we both agree.  Now what will you give me?" 

 

 

 

Jochim Kasich, Gauleiter of OH

 

Republicans (all candidates at once) -- Instantly, as if rehearsed, which it, in fact, will be, kick Obama in the groin and say:

"Indefinite detention." 

If you're not an Ohioan, Jochim Kasich, Gauleiter of OH, is Governor Kasich. And, yes, I'll admit it; we generally refer to Republicans as the nazi party. So it was so odd to us when some of the conservatives tagged the liberals as nazi. They generally take a term and demonize it. I remember when they redefined the word "liberal" to mean a person who slaughters, rapes and pilages his way through life. Right.